Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize