I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
