just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
