I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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