Got a toothbrush?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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