Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize