ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
