i jhust puked up my retainher.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is Oprah even human
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
