Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
