She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
