I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
