I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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