I want to stick my p in your. b.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
