He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize