Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
