eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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