Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I met the friendliest cop last night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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