This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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