dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize