I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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