I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
