Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
