1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Two words: blizzard sex
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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