i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
