I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
