Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
