How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am naked and annoyed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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