Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize