I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
