Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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