I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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