He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
