hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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