dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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