good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
