my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
