My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
