I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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