he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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