i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
