"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
