Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
