My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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