Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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