I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
