Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
