Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
