Screwed.edu
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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