In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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