Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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