Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
