If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
