Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
