I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
