just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
