I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
