OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
