Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
