Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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