hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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