He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
