this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
