Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
