Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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