I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
