my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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