I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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