OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dear god my vagina.
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