it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
