I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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